Goldsand

hey, i know it has been a few years since i was last active on here but i wanted to say that i think i might be coming back.

my last journal was very depressing and then i kinda just... disappeared without saying a word. i'm sorry, and i do genuinely feel bad for leaving with the most bleak vent post ever. my life did fall apart for bit, i won't lie. it didn't stay that way though.

i kept my head up at work, tried my hardest, and actually got a very special position that allows me a great deal of freedom compared to my other coworkers. i am extremely grateful.

with this promotion came a large hourly pay increase, and benefits that i was not previously eligible for such as healthcare and such.

i finally have a reasonably stable financial situation, and with proper healthcare i was able to see a doctor who has helped me tremendously with various issues.

i still live in the same place, but things are definitely different now.

when my ex moved out, i asked one of my closest friends to move in with me to help me get to and from work, but also so he could live 5 minutes from his new job instead of an hour.

we both would have affordable rent and we get along perfectly.

well, too perfectly it seems because after six months we began dating. lol

after about a year, we are now engaged<3

when i say that i found my other half, i mean it.

i'm marrying my best friend soon and i couldn't be happier.

his family kinda took me in too, and they look out for me like i'm their own.

through all of this, i reestablished a relationship with both my mom AND father.

those who know me know my past, and i am willing to forgive. i've held onto a lot of trauma, hate, and grief over the years and in my heart i am ready to move on.

things are... strange, but again i am happy.

i never did reconnect with my former friend group, and perhaps it was for the best because i later found out they weren't as honest as i thought they were.

but i did get in contact with some old coworkers from another job and we all meet up when our schedules align.

i've also met some really cool people at my current warehouse who are true.

i'm also currently saving (as well as my fiancé) for a few acres of land out in the middle of nowhere, probably in one of our neighboring states.

over the years, i've learned how to grow and maintain a wide variety of crops and trees, and now i am starting to learn the basics of canning and homesteading.

i'm a beginner for sure, but i get to spend my life learning complete independence and ancient skills with my best friend. what could be better, really?

baking bread and roasting meats have become a pastime favorite now, and i love making jam!

we even have this awesome chocolate cheesecake recipe nailed.

i don't have nearly as much time to draw, which is always a bummer, but just know i'll never give it up even if i'm inactive for a while.

another weird thing is that i have unfortunately sold most of my expensive collectible plushies. times got tough and i made some hard decisions.

i will eventually upload updated pictures of my remaining collections.

life is wild and i am glad it doesn't suck so much right now.

hey, so i haven’t posted in a long time and i feel as if everyone is due an explanation as to why i just disappeared. i am exhausted from the bottom of my soul, so please forgive my bluntness.

my closest friend— a person who i consider a brother— was in a life-altering accident last june. i do not want to go into detail about how it happened, but to make a very long story short he is currently paralyzed from the shoulders down.

physical therapy has helped a lot, but i try not to put expectations on his recovery. i am just so grateful he is alive.

a few weeks after, my childhood dog passed away suddenly and i didn’t get to say goodbye as my mom kept the pets when i moved out. i had him for 12 years, and he was truly a good boy.

3 months passed and i found out a good bro of mine was abusing his (now ex) girlfriend, and with everyone being too scared (rightfully so) to say anything, i ended up being the one to call him out. he essentially made my life hell, and now my entire social circle split up.

i haven’t really seen anyone since late november.

it was around this time i was also fighting an aggressive kidney infection. i am fully recovered but i was ill for over 2 months.

with all of this happening, it had a massive impact on my relationship— and unfortunately my fiancé and i mutually decided to break up, and he moved out a month later.

we’ve been together for years and i feel lost. i built my life around someone and i have no choice to restart from scratch.

we are still friends, but we are both hurting and grieving.

my only stability was my job, but for whatever reason my head manager shut down my department and i had to relocate to a different facility, and subsequently work double the hours. some weeks are 50+ hours and it’s a manual labor position.

on top of that, my particular building didn’t have HR so i was deprived of due raises and my current facility can’t help me since the latter was so messed up. the reason this is so frustrating is because there are people who have been here for 3 weeks total and get paid multiple dollars more than me an hour, and i’ve been here 2 years as an assistant manager. i dedicated so much time and i feel like new hires who don’t care get promotions while i never do. i’m not mad at other coworkers, just angry that this company clearly doesn’t care.

and the icing on the cake was that my car died, completely. i can’t drive, but it was still my car and i wanted to eventually be able to afford driving school so i could learn in that vehicle. it’s a huge setback.

with all that being said, this last year has truly been a nightmare. i am running on fumes and finding it extremely difficult to respond to messages/ comments/ texts/ etc. so please understand that if i’m silent, it’s because i’m quite literally at my breaking point. i don’t mean to ignore anyone, that’s not my intention at all.

everything revolving around art for me has been my last priority, which absolutely blows but i don’t know what else to do.

i can’t guarantee that i’ll be posting anytime soon, or even consistently. i feel terrible that i can’t share my work often or delve into drawing like i used to, and i’m really sorry.

hey so it’s definitely been a long time since i’ve posted anything on here (mostly due to eclipse being awful) but i plan on uploading all my art soon.

i created a separate account on instagram called @/hollowstrike, and it’s specifically for warrior cats content. i’m more active on there than any other social media platform, even my personal pages. if you want to contact me and need a quick reply, feel free to message me on there since i’m active throughout the day.

i still use my regular @/g0ldsand account but it’s for all general fan art/ gifts/ ocs now.

so i know a lot of people left because of eclipse and tbh i hate it too, but i’m still gonna stay. idk how active i can be since the new layout is really hard to adjust to though.

but !!! if you’re looking to leave and still want to see my art, i have an instagram account (@/g0ldsand) and a tumblr (@/g0ldsand - only warriors content)

i may make a twitter art account soon too, and i’ll update this journal with the username if i do decide to create one.